


Cadence of Her Last Breath

by epeeblade



Series: Sex Corps [4]
Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: F/M, RPF, Space Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-29
Updated: 2010-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-06 19:30:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epeeblade/pseuds/epeeblade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long before he met Jensen, Jeffrey Dean Morgan loved and lost a woman named Katie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cadence of Her Last Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to lapillus for the beta. Any mistakes are my own.  
> Title comes from a Nightwish song, as always. I've fictionalized Jeff's family for the purposes of this fic.

Jeff stopped pacing to look out the window. He couldn't ignore the tap tap tap from behind him. Stars, if the man didn't stop tapping his stylus, Jeff would launch himself over that ridiculously large desk and break the damn thing in two.

Which was precisely the problem that had gotten him into this enforced therapy in the first place.

"Why was she angry?" came the patient voice. Always so damn patient. Jeff wondered how much the bastard actually cared. How much was that calm response just another mask designed to throw off the crazy patients?

"Because it was the third time my shore leave had been delayed." Jeff leaned his forehead against the glass. He didn't even see the grounds of the base, too caught up in memories to think about what was right in front of him. "And then she decided to go ahead to our cabin without me. On Georgia."

"Where the Confed attacked."

Jeff snorted, the laughter strangled in his throat. "Attacked. Right. They fucking demolished that entire planet." If the Confed couldn't hold Georgia, then no one could.

"Commander Morgan," the shrink began, "Have you considered that if you had gone with your wife that …"

"I'd be dead now." Jeff whipped away from the window. "You think you're the first person who's said that to me?"

"No, but I think I'm the first to realize you think you could have saved her if you'd been there. Her and the entire planet."

Jeff couldn't look at him - that too wide face underneath the receding forehead, those intense but kind eyes - so he turned to the coffee pot in the corner of the room, pouring himself a cup so he could have something to fiddle with. "You don't understand."

The shrink pointed with the stylus, finally stopping that stupid tapping. Jeff just didn't appreciate it pointing to that stupid leather couch. Who the hell still had things like that anyway? "Why don't you explain it to me, then, Commander?"

"Fine," he said, dropping onto the couch. It was more comfortable than it looked. "If you're going to keep poking at my brain I might as well try."

"All right, Commander."

It seemed so far away, and yet, the memory was so vivid. "We met during a diplomatic mission…"

***

"I think they're trying too hard."

Jeff couldn't help but agree with Lieutenant Hasselhoff's assessment. "What, by having a party in the former Confed castle? Or the attempt to look like this isn't a spiffed up mining town?"

"Didn't even bother cleaning up the scorch marks on the walls," David said.

The palace had seen better days, Jeff agreed. The sandstone walls were cracked and chipped in places, the old golden paint worn off. No portraits or tapestries decorated the grand hall, not even of the holo variety. He supposed it was all this group of people had to offer, including the slim pickings of food on the narrow table.

Of course, that was why they'd asked for the UP's help. Jeff didn't mind giving it; he just wished they could dispense with the diplomatic farce.

They were there to escort Junior Ambassador Cunningham, and should be just background to the man's efforts. Jeff chafed in his dress uniform, though he was content with having his own sidearm instead of the decorative sword that usually went with the outfit. This was still dangerous territory after all.

"Don't tell me you gentlemen aren't enjoying the ball." Captain Shatner clasped them both on the shoulder, ignoring how they both jumped in surprise.

It was a subtle reminder to do their jobs. "Not usually my kind of thing, Captain," Jeff shrugged.

"Even so, Lieutenant Commander, Lieutenant, I need to count on you both to do some recon for us. Go on, mingle. Have a dance. Just stay away from any of the blue drinks, they've got quite a kick." With a final clap on their backs, Shatner was gone, back into the crowd of soldiers and Georgia inhabitants.

"Easy for him to say," David grumbled, straightening his collar. "He doesn't have to dance to Confed music. All those high pitched voices!"

"It's really not that bad," Jeff offered, though he'd appreciate it more if it wasn't coming out of a tinny old sound system. "Come on, we're supposed to be scoping out the crowd."

Not that it was a terribly large crowd. Jeff had been to much larger diplomatic parties. It should be easy then to take the measure of these people, to find out why they'd ousted their Confed overlords only to turn and ask for UP help.

The native Georgians were easy to spot, they were decked out in traditional Confed formal wear - the two piece dresses that draped over one shoulder for the women, and the long tunics and flowing trousers for the men. It made Jeff and his fellows' dress uniforms look itchy and stiff in comparison.

David jostled his arm. "There." He'd found a group of women not already dancing. Only David could manage that.

They stepped forward to introduce themselves. Out of the three there was only one Jeff couldn't stop staring at. She had large dark eyes, so out of place with her pale skin and the blond hair she'd pulled back with a clip. Her sari clung to her form, to every curve and then some, the burgundy fabric glistening with sparkling embroidery. For all that she looked uncomfortable in the outfit, like she was wearing someone else's clothes with the way she kept her heels together and fiddled with the swatch of fabric over her right shoulder.

"Ladies." David grinned, that charming smile that had ensnared women on countless planets. "We couldn't help but notice you lacking partners for the next dance. Could Lt. Commander Morgan and I be of any assistance?"

The trio looked at each other. "Maybe we weren't interested in dancing," the oldest of them said.

"Speak for yourself, Sandra." The third - a beauty with short dark hair - took David's offered hand. "You may call me Chyler. And I may call you?"

David brought her fingers to his lips. "Lieutenant David Hasselhoff. David for tonight."

And the bastard swung her out onto the dance floor before Jeff had the chance to say anything. He cleared his throat and turned towards the two remaining women. "You didn't say if you cared to dance?"

The blonde rolled her eyes. "The things I do for Patrick. Come on, then." She all but tugged Jeff's arm out of his socket and dragged him away from her companion.

He didn't know where to put his hands at first; this wasn't anything like the traditional dances he knew. The music had a frantic beat, a singer with a voice too high to be comfortable and a wailing melody.

"I can't dance a lick," she said, still holding tightly to his hand.

"Maybe if we sway a bit no one will notice," Jeff said. He put the other hand on her waist, so close to bare skin, but solidly on the soft fabric of her dress instead. She bit her lip and looked over her shoulder. Finally he said, "Jeff."

She turned and looked up at him, meeting his gaze with those dark eyes that he would have compared to jewels if he were some kind of poet. "What?"

"That's my name. And you?"

"Katherine," she told him. "Katie to my friends."

They made a circuit around the room, avoiding the more enthusiastic dancers by staying near the edge. Jeff guided them carefully, nodding at the Captain who grinned and gave him two thumbs up. "And your friends are?"

"You've met Sandra and Chyler. Or did you mean Patrick? I'm sure you were introduced to our fearless leader."

"You overestimate my place in the pecking order." Jeff's lips twitched and he fought not to grin.

She tilted her head, giving him a searching look. "We don't trust military. I'm sure you can understand that."

"Of course. But I don't understand how you thought you'd deal with the UP and not our military."

"We've managed just fine so far without you."

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Except for the whole running out of food problem."

She pulled away from him, her cheeks burning red. "That's not our fault. If the Confed had set this place up like a real colony instead of a mining station…"

"Then there would be farms and livestock," Jeff finished for her. Typical Confed shortsightedness to not worry about sustaining life on this rock so far from their core as long as the Mem kept coming in.

She paused, as if she realized he was willing to actually talk with her and not at her. "Right. And we'd be able to feed ourselves."

He followed her off the dance floor, thinking she was heading for the meager banquet tables. Instead Katie ducked through an archway Jeff hadn't noticed before, leading out to a terrace that looked over the city instead of the spaceport. There were few lights, so much dimmer than he expected.

"This city was built on the backs of slaves, Commander." She gestured with one hand, leaving it out as if giving a benediction. "I'm the granddaughter of slaves who clawed their way to the poor excuse for freedom the Confed offered. We deserve the right to choose our own destiny. I just wish we could do it without your help."

"You'll find, miss," Jeff said in a low voice, "We do things a bit differently in the UP."

"I damn well hope so."

***

"She was a freedom fighter."

Jeff snorted at the idea. "She was an anarchist." Of course this guy had been safe in his Earth-bound office for years. He had no fucking clue was life was really like out there in space. He never had to fight his way to freedom, the way Katie and her people had.

The good doctor cleared his throat and shuffled his tablet and comm unit around on the desk. "I see."

Jeff tried to run his fingers through his hair, only to catch on the knotted mess. He couldn't remember the last time he'd showered. It hadn't seemed to matter. "She was like no one I've ever met before. And of course I got assigned to work with her…"

***

People waved at Jeff now when he passed by, with or without Katie. He'd been here long enough that the shops outside the palace had become familiar, as had the people who ran them. Jeff wiped at his forehead, sweating profusely in the heavy heat. He couldn't get comfortable on this planet - the gravity too heavy, the sun too dim so it always looked a bit grainy out, as if he had to parse the world through thick glass.

Katie's jeep bounced down the road, stopping long enough for him to hop into the front seat. She turned and grinned at him. Today she wore heavy dark trousers rolled up around her calf length brown boots and a pale button down shirt that was too big for her slight frame. Over one shoulder she'd slung the strap for her laser rifle, while the other had her canteen.

"Ready to see the factories, space man?"

Jeff cringed at the nickname. "Nah, I'd thought we go for a picnic. It's such a lovely day."

She laughed as she threw the ground car into gear and continued down the main road. "The whole planet isn't like this. Apparently there are some gorgeous forests on the southern hemisphere."

He coughed on the dust thrown up by the vehicle's wheels. When he'd asked about using hover transportation the first time she'd laughed. "Never seen the exhaust on a hover car that could stand Georgia's dust." And that had ended that.

"Why'd the colony end up here, then?"

She looked over at him briefly before going back to concentrating on the road. "Memorcite. Used to be a strong vein of it through the mountain range here."

"Used to be?"

"It's running out. Wasn't as much as they expected, I think."

Jeff wondered why the Confed let this place go so easily. He knew Katie's friends, including the mysterious Patrick, had put the credit on their little coup, but if the Confed had wanted to stay, they'd have brought in more ships. This tiny little dirtball wasn't worth much if the Mem mines were running dry.

Eventually they'd have to switch off from Mem as a source of energy anyway. The stuff was poison and illegal in the UP. If Georgia wanted admission it would have to commit to changing to crystal power. Jeff did some mental calculations, knowing he'd have to present this information later. How much Mem did they have left? Would it last until they got things underway?

"Stay in the car," Katie said as they crossed the checkpoint leading out of the city, past the electrified fences. "Keep your arms in too, never know when a croc will want to take a bit out of you."

Jeff pulled his hand off the edge of the jeep, slipping it onto his sidearm. It somehow made him feel better. "I thought crocs lived in the water."

She snorted, turning to give him that sweet smile. "We call 'em croc-dogs. They're mean little bastards with sharp teeth and scales, but they run like dogs. It's why we've got fences everywhere." Katie patted the strap for her rifle. "And don't leave without a gun handy."

Yeah, Jeff could see exactly why the Confed ditched this place. Too much trouble.

The road became little more than a dirt strip around the mountain. Katie didn't seem bothered by the drop off along one side without even a fence if she veered off track. Jeff swallowed and tried not to look.

"How many in the colony work at the factories?"

"Mostly everyone." Fortunately she didn't look over when she spoke. "Unless they work at the spaceport or one of the businesses in town that used to cater to spacers." She bit her lip. "Right now we're working on integrating the former slaves into the colony. It's making jobs tight."

Jeff's jaw dropped. "The Confed didn't take the slaves when they left?"

She flashed a grin this time. "Hard to when we took control of the last ship they had here."

Jeff shook his head. How vast was the empire when 50,000 slaves and a battle ship weren't worth fighting for?

"You seen a lot of fighting?" she asked after a while. "Up in that ship of yours? What's it called?"

"The Damascus," Jeff answered. "The Santa Clara is the one that brought the ambassador." He didn't miss her eye-roll at his mention of Cunningham. Jeff smiled to himself and answered her question. "I've been in combat, yes. Also get to run missions like these, saving people who've been hurt by the Confed."

The checkpoint became visible as the road evened out. Katie dropped out of low gear. "And which do you prefer?"

He gave her a wink when she looked over. "Doesn't matter what I prefer. It's my job."

"Hmm," she said, though he didn't know quite what to make of that.

They entered the factory compound, passing some bored looking guards who waved at Katie and closed the gate behind them. Not many crocs out today, Jeff guessed.

The delivery truck in front of them on the road turned sharply, causing Katie to slam on her breaks to avoid hitting it. "Damn it."

"Now that was rather tame," Jeff said. "Big strapping girl like you I'd expect some quality swearing."

Katie laughed. "Fucking stars-forgotten fucktard. That any better?"

He pretended to think about it. "I'll give you points for the alliteration."

She shook her head and moved to park the vehicle close to the fence, away from the cluster of vehicles surrounding the squat looking factory buildings. "I'll have to work on it."

Jeff hopped out, taking a swig of water from his canteen. He'd have to remember to refill before they made their way back into town. The open-air vehicle might be practical, but it didn't help with the heat. Just as he began to screw the cap back on he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, just outside the fence.

"Katie…" he touched her arm and pointed.

She grinned. "Your first croc, Morgan. It's not even half-grown yet."

Jeff shuddered as he got closer to the fence. The thing was at least as long as a man, all brown scales like armor and a tail that cracked like a whip. It gave Jeff a look out of deep-set eyes, from a face elongated with long teeth. And then it turned and sprinted away on legs that seemed too tall for it, galloping like a wolf. Jeff didn't want to meet anything bigger.

"C'mon. Devin is waiting for us." Katie tugged his arm to lead him back towards the factories.

Jeff wished he could enjoy the feel of her hand on his skin, but the heat made it impossible to feel anything but sticky. He turned to follow and saw the same delivery truck speeding past them. The driver met his eyes briefly and something in that gaze had Jeff's hackles rising.

He reacted on his instincts; they'd saved him more than once. Jeff grabbed Katie. "Get down!" he shouted, throwing her behind the jeep.

The truck collided with another vehicle, and the resulting explosion was too loud and too fast for it to be anything but on purpose. Jeff shielded his eyes from the blaze, coughing at the clouds of smoke. He reached for his comm, "Lieutenant Commander Morgan calling for assistance. Request a medical team and any available personnel."

"You all right?" he turned to Katie. Her hair had come out of its tails and her clothes were streaked with dust and soot. She took his hand to pull herself up and it shook ever so slightly.

Jeff didn't know who reached for it first, if he bent his head or if she stood on her toes. Somehow their lips were touching, her other hand caught in his hair, his arm around her waist and the flames still shooting behind them. She tasted like dust, and her body was hot pressed against his.

"You…" she murmured as she pulled away.

Jeff let her go. "Looks like not everyone is happy about the Confed leaving."

Katie looked up at him with blood shot eyes and fisted one hand in his regulation shirt. "Jeff…"

He brought her close and hoped the medics would hurry. "I know."

***

It had taken months to root out the damn Confed resistance. Jeff closed his eyes, remembering the heat, the dust, the way it felt to work with Katie by his side. The day was filled with fighting and scheming, while the nights were just for the two of them. He'd memorized the feel of her body in her tiny little attic apartment over one of the restaurants in town. It'd gotten so he couldn't smell curry without getting hard, his body conditioned to respond. He remembered how it felt in the heat, their sweat slicked bodies joined, Katie riding him to ecstasy. One time she'd teased him beyond measure, till he had her up against the wall, thumping it so hard her neighbor pounded back, leaving them both collapsing in a fit of laughter.

"You're not the first, Jeff, to fall in love on the battlefield," the therapist said quietly.

Jeff shook his head, still lost in the memories. "Seen that a lot, have you Doc?" He leaned back on the couch, his body aching as if he'd run for miles instead of having a little chat. "When David saw Katie take down a sniper from the street he turned to me and said 'marry that girl.'"

"And?"

"And I did."

***

Jeff probably shouldn't have been surprised that Katie agreed to have their wedding on Earth. She'd never been off Georgia, and if anyone had the courage and curiosity to explore the galaxy, it was his Katie. What worried him immediately after she agreed was the inevitable meeting of his family. Particularly his mother.

But to his surprise, when his parents met them at the spaceport, his mother's first words to Katie were, "Oh, you're beautiful."

Katie had blushed a deep red. "Thank you?"

When the two most important women in his life linked arms and walked away together, Jeff wondered what exactly he'd gotten himself into. Dad had slapped his shoulder. "Well, if you had to go to the other side of the galaxy to find her, you did good, son."

Of course, he might not have said that if Dad had known Katie had been born a Confed citizen. Jeff had kept that bit of knowledge to himself. He might have met people, good and bad, of all different citizenships and alliances, but his parents were diehard Earthers. Their son marrying one of the enemy wouldn't go over well.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that we don't have to deal with the chaos of planning a wedding," Mom said, stacking the dishes on the kitchen counter. "But I do miss it a little bit."

Jeff laughed. "Don't worry Mom, you still have Liz." Of his three sisters she was the only one holding out on the whole marriage thing.

Katie took a sip of her iced tea, looking thoughtful as she leaned against the fridge. "Your military planned everything?"

He shrugged. "It just made sense to have it at the Academy chapel. And as long as we're there why not just use the reception facilities they have?"

His mother rolled her eyes. "It took Gillian six months to decide on a reception location."

"Exactly."

"Katie, are you sure you can put up with this?" His mother gestured in his direction.

"Hey!" Jeff interjected.

Katie leaned over to kiss his check. "I'm a simple girl, Mrs. Morgan."

Hah. As if anyone had ever described Katie as 'simple'.

"Now dear, I told you to call me Mom. And I think you really should since I'm about to ask you to set the table."

Katie laughed and took the pile of dishes. "Thanks, Mom."

Jeff held the door for her, but turned back to grab the silverware. Mom put her hand on his arm.

"She is a lovely girl, Jeff."

"Thanks, Mom." The relief at her words was short-lived however.

"I want to see you settled, you know that."

"I am marrying her," he pointed out. But his mother had something else in mind.

"Don't you think it's time you left the Corps? You wanted to be a pilot Jeff. There are plenty of commercial jobs right here in this solar system."

Not this again. Jeff closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn't blame his mother, not really. Every battle reported in the media must set his parents on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear if it was their son's ship involved. Jeff had been lucky his entire career. Sometimes he thought he never survived Alfani, that what had followed that terrible day was nothing more than some twisted dream.

But thinking of Alfani and the people he'd saved there only made Jeff square his shoulders. He did good work, important work. Katie's people would have starved. The children on Venus VII would have been enslaved. Three hundred people would have died on Alfani if he hadn't acted. Jeff couldn't stop now.

He couldn't explain that to his mother. She just wanted him safe, he knew. Jeff didn't deal well with safe, not when there were others in danger. "Mom, we've talked about this…"

"I'm not asking you to give up space or flying. I know better than that. But you're getting married. Maybe a baby? It's getting dangerous out there, Jeff."

"That's why I can't just quit, Mom." Jeff picked up the silverware and left the kitchen before he said something he would regret.

He watched for a moment as Katie carefully set the long wooden table in the center of his parents' dining room. His sisters would be arriving for dinner, so Dad had added the extra leaves. So many family memories had happened right here in this room. Katie looked up at him and smiled. She looked otherworldly in the dim light from the shaded lamps behind her. Something blurred in his vision and she almost looked like a ghost, like Katie wasn't really there at all.

"I'm here to help," Jeff said, finally setting down his pile. He followed her path, placing a knife and fork on the napkins she'd folded.

"Everything all right?" Katie asked in a low voice. "Your mom still likes me, right?"

He let the knife drop to move to her side and slip his arm around her waist. "My mother loves you. More than me."

"Right." She poked his chest.

"She does. But then again, I haven't told her you're wearing red for the wedding…" he snuck a kiss along her neck, just in time to hear the kitchen door close behind them.

"What's this about a red dress?"

"Oops," Jeff grinned.

He unwrapped that red dress after their wedding ceremony, each bit of skin revealed like a gift under his hands. She writhed beneath his touch, so different from how they'd made love back on Georgia. This was their wedding night. This was something sacred.

Jeff stroked the slope of her collarbone, smoothed his fingers along the curves of her breast, tracing with his tongue the dark veins that were visible beneath her pale skin. She caught her fingers in his hair, just holding on as he worshipped her body.

Katie never wore perfume. She always smelled like nothing but herself - salt and sweat and the dust of Georgia. He guessed she'd done something special for tonight, her skin tasted sweet and Jeff caught the scent of spice as he continued his explorations, running his lips down past her navel, to the very center of her.

"Jeff," she whispered, her voice catching as he pushed her legs apart. Jeff tasted her warmth, how very wet she was. All for him.

"I love you," he said, looking up to meet her eyes. He imagined they matched the expression in his own, soft and tender and in awe of this one moment.

***

Jeff couldn't think about their wedding now. If he let himself think, he'd remember how beautiful Katie had looked in that red dress, how she had shivered when he'd slipped it off her shoulders. And if he let himself remember that, he'd lose himself how she'd felt beneath him, smooth and warm, and so alive.

"So your mother isn't a fan of your career choice?" The doctor was taking notes again. Damn him.

"I thought we were here to talk about Katie," Jeff said, digging his fingers into the smooth leather of the couch. He wanted to rip into it, annoyed that it should be so perfect when all Jeff wanted was to destroy it.

The doctor made a motion with his stylus. "By all means."

Jeff glared at him.

"So what did Katie think of being a soldier's wife?"

It seemed so long ago. Jeff shook his head, letting it fall into his hands as he tried to rub the tension away. "About what you'd expect for a woman who'd overthrown her own planet's government…"

***

"I want to go home."

Jeff looked up from the article on recent developments in aerodynamic space ship design. He let the tablet fall onto the bed. "I thought you liked it here?"

They'd lived on Starbase 78 for almost six months now. Jeff had liked it better than their first placement at the base on war-torn Sienna. That base was cold and sterile, truly nothing more than a worn military institution that still bore scorch marks on its turrets. He spent so little time in his assigned quarters that he'd hated leaving Katie alone there. The starbase was so much better - close enough to the region of space where he was assigned, yet far enough away from any actual fighting.

Here Katie got a chance to do something besides sit around and wait with the other Corps spouses. She'd called the group on Sienna a bunch of bitter harpies, even though it was half male. Starbase 78 thrived as a full-fledged UP city in the darkness of space and had a college where Katie took courses, slowly getting herself certified as a military consult. Jeff didn't doubt she knew more about how the Confed worked than most new recruits.

Katie gestured with one hand as she paced. "It's not that. Don't get me wrong, this place is a lot better than that shithole on Sienna." He thought he heard her murmur 'damn harpies' under her breath before she continued. "I just, I actually miss Georgia."

Jeff smiled. "The unbearable heat? The giant crocs? Yeah, can't beat that."

She dropped onto the bed next to him and smacked his shoulder before grabbing his tablet. "Look, I don't know if you've been following the news, but I track anything about Georgia."

Jeff didn't really have the time for that. So he leaned over and looked at the screen she'd pulled up.

"They discovered Ener-Quartz in the Southern Hemisphere. You know, the nice part of the planet? And whole towns are springing up around there."

That was quite a coup for the UP. The Confed had lost access to something they mined for energy, never knowing that the planet also held the UP's prime source. Of course, the Confed would never use something as inefficient as Ener-Quartz. "You want to move back to a mining town?" he asked, confused.

"No." She flipped the tablet his way, showing a scenic view around a shimmering lake. "I want to invest in vacation property. They're putting up these cabins and…it's home, Jeff."

The cabins were only an artist's rendition, Jeff noticed. They were tiny, two-story buildings with wrap-around porches just perfect for a swing and a little family. It reminded him a bit of his parents' place on the coast, a little summer home to get away from it all. "They're just building these. It might be a long time before we could actually live there."

She moved closer, so their shoulders bumped. "That's why I said invest. Georgia's growing. It might actually be something other than the rock I grew up on."

He brushed her hair out of the way before nuzzling along her jaw and stealing a kiss. "It'll always be more than that to me."

She laughed, but her laughter had a breathless quality to it. "Are you saying yes?"

"I'm sure you've already got all the finances worked out, right?"

"Maybe."

"Then as long as that's all taken care of." Jeff rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. "I think I'd like to enjoy the rest of my leave."

She propped herself up on her elbows and gave him a smirk. "Oh would you, Jeffrey Dean? I suppose I'll just have to work on that a bit more…" Katie lowered herself to press a kiss against his lips.

Jeff opened to her, drinking in how she felt against him, the odd woodsy scent of her shampoo, the taste of her lips against his. Nothing would ever feel more perfect.

***

"That must have been quite a burden on your wife. Being left on her own while you were deployed."

Jeff hated how the guy looked up from his notes to give Jeff a searching look complete with doe-eyes that were supposed to look sympathetic. As if the therapist cared, like he wasn't reporting every single thing Jeff said to his superior officers.

Did it even matter? Would any of this bring Katie back?

He bit back a nasty retort at the last moment. It wouldn't bring Katie back either. And he had a feeling she'd be upset with him if he let his grief lose him his commission. That's why he sat here, after all. If he were anyone else his ass would have been bounced the moment he started missing shifts, never mind throwing a punch at a superior officer. But Jeff was the fucking hero of Alfani, their gold shining star, and the Corps didn't want to lose him.

"I thought so too. S'why I got her the dog."

"I see…"

***

Jeff guided the land cruiser along the newly built road, so new construction crews were still working on the other side adding more surface. He'd never have to drive down a dusty road on Georgia again. Aside from the dim sun and heavy gravity, Jeff might never know he was on the planet. The southern hemisphere was very different, lacking the predators that made the north so deadly, and was full and lush with the indigenous plant life.

"Not too bad, huh, girl?" He glanced over at the dog sitting in the front seat, a red ribbon tied around her neck. The pretty bow he'd tied neatly had come undone and one end of the ribbon was already ripped and sodden with drool. He could have gotten a puppy, but something in this dog's eyes just begged Jeff to take her.

Then he'd had to wait the requisite 24 hours for quarantine before he could take Bisou to another planet. That made him a little late for meeting up with Katie at the spaceport, so she'd gone ahead to their cabin. Their new home.

He passed the new holo-sign at the entrance of the development, snickering at the idea of "Deep Valley" as the name. She'd told him they had cabin number 5, not too close to the entrance, but not so far as to be away from the lake. Originally their model had some fancy name like "Golden wood cottage" but when Jeff couldn't stop laughing at it Katie just started calling it 'number five.'

Jeff pulled to a stop just under a low tree with leaves of amber. Their front yard was still all topsoil and weeds, but that would change in time. He leaned on the horn before sliding out of the rented vehicle, taking Bisou's leash so she wouldn't run now that they were finally here. He pulled the ribbon off, having given up on the idea of wrapping a dog.

The front door - an old fashioned thing that he knew was suddenly in vogue with designers these days - swung open and Katie appeared out on the deck porch.

"Jeffrey Dean, what have you done?" She laughed as she ran to his side.

He spared one arm to sling around her waist and draw her close for a kiss. Bisou barked and leapt onto his other side. Both of his girls. Felt nice. "Thought you could use some company when I wasn't around."

"And you felt a dog was the best for that?" Despite her words Katie had pulled away from him to knee and scratch behind Bisou's ears. "She's got your eyes."

Jeff laughed. "Her name is Bisou. It means little kisses."

She pulled at the ribbon he still had clutched in one hand. "I'm hoping for more than some little kisses tonight."

"Is there even a bed in there?"

Katie took Bisou's leash and led them inside. "A bed yes. There is still plenty of work to do, but the important rooms are furnished."

Jeff stepped inside after her. Even though it looked small from the outside, the cabin opened up into a large living space that branched out into a kitchenette with glass walls overlooking the lakeside. The walls were bare, and they lacked a dining table, but this place was all theirs.

"Come see." Katie touched the glass in the kitchen and it melted away. She unclipped Bisou's leash and let the dog run down to the water. "There are invisible fences around all the properties, she won't be able to go far."

Jeff's boots crunched on the rocky earth, no more landscaped than the front. But the trees and natural plants gave their backyard a wild, untamed look. The bushes along the sides gave them privacy from their neighbors.

"It would be a nice place to raise some kids, you think?" she asked, not looking at him.

"Katie?" he asked, the surprise obvious in his voice.

She turned. "What? Oh, no, I'm not. Not ready yet. Hell, they're still building this place up, and I've got to finish my certification first…but, someday?"

He pulled her close, letting his hands drift down her back as Jeff kissed her deeply. "Someday," he agreed.

***

Jeff waited for the therapist to speak, expecting yet another pithy comment. He guess what it would be - don't worry, everyone makes plans for a future that never happens. Instead, the guy set down his stylus and folded his hands on the desk.

"I'm sorry."

Jeff leaned forward and twisted his hands together. "So am I."

***

"I'm sorry, Katie." Jeff didn't have a lot of time. He was due for his next shift in about ten minutes, and he hated that he had to squeeze this call in like this. But Jeff hadn't had any other chance to let her know.

"Jeff, you promised. This is the third time…" The hologram fizzled with static, turning Katie's face transparent.

He rubbed his face, dismayed to suddenly discover the stubble on his cheeks. There hadn't even been time to shave. "I can't get leave. The Confed are doing maneuvers and we have to protect the trade route." They'd already had to reschedule celebrating their second wedding anniversary. At this rate, Jeff might be able to make their third.

She let out a noise. "That's not the point. It's everything Jeff. You're always going to put the job first."

"It's my duty," he snapped. "Do you really want the Confed to win?"

"No, Jeff," Katie said. "But how long are you going to give your life to this? Haven't you done enough?"

"I can't just quit, it doesn't work that way." Jeff looked over at the chrono and groaned. He was going to be late to shift. If Commander Smith was feeling like an asshole he could dock Jeff's pay for that. "Look, can we talk about this later?"

"I'm done talking, Jeff. Obviously you've made up your own mind"

"Now you sound like my mother."

She shook her head and the hologram deteriorated even more. "I'll be at the cabin when you're ready to talk."

"Katie, you shouldn't go alone." The Confeds were twitchy, that made Jeff nervous. "Space travel isn't safe right now."

"Don't you think I know that? Jeff, I fucking sit here hoping like hell I won't hear your ship's name on the media feed. I can't do it anymore."

Jeff leaned forward, wishing he could touch her. He reached out, her face flickering against his fingers. "Katie, come on."

"I'll see you on Georgia, Jeff. Or not at all."

The hologram winked out completely.

That was the last time he ever spoke to her.

***

Jeff dropped his head into his hands as he bent over, his elbows braced on his knees. Even now the thought of that conversation had his heart thumping, his belly churning like it was in free fall. He'd meant to call her back as soon as he got off shift, but as usual, one thing led to another, he did a double shift and ended up dropping right into bed when he got back to his quarters.

He didn't hear about Georgia until two days later. Rick had come to find him at the commissary to give him the news. Jeff hoped and prayed that Katie hadn't gone. That her ultimatum had been meant to get Jeff thinking, but she wouldn't have left without him, would she?

When her comm code came back with an error, he didn't believe. He still didn't believe it until he checked the passenger lists on ships into Georgia. Her name blinked up at him, white text on a black screen.

"We couldn't even have a fucking funeral." Everything that Katie was, everything she had been, all her friends, any family she had left, the very planet where she had grown up, all had been obliterated.

Rick and David told him not to go back. But Jeff went. Safe in his hazard suit he looked over at the empty crater that had been his lake, no trace of their home left behind. The scorched planet looked like it had never sustained life.

The nightmares came after. Jeff saw her burning, the flames engulfing her as she screamed. The world would crumble around her and Jeff would jerk awake, the smell of smoke in his throat.

"They did it for revenge," Jeff told the therapist. "Because Georgia threw them out. Only they waited. Long enough for the people to actually try to build something. To think they were safe. And where the hell were our fucking ships then?"

He pushed himself to his feet, unable to sit still any longer. Jeff never could sit still. He always had to be moving, acting. That was why this crumbled him from the inside. Nothing he could do would ever fix the pain.

"We were protecting trade routes. Gotta make sure some rich asshole on Earth gets their Carpatian diamonds…"

"Trade is more than just luxury goods, you know that," the therapist interrupted. "Power crystals, food, building materials, all of that is what makes the UP survive."

Jeff whirled on him, glad to have something focus his rage on. "And we'd pulled all available ships off their routes. Left only a skeleton behind. Just like the Confed wanted. What's the point? No matter what I do, somebody's always dying. It doesn't make a fucking difference."

"You didn't think that at Alfani," the doctor said, his voice so low Jeff had to lean forward to hear him.

No, at Alfani it had been enough to save a single ship of civilians, to alert the Corps so they could marshal and destroy the invading ship. It had amounted to over 300 people. Only 300 when thousands had been murdered. They were someone's parents, children, lovers too.

"I can't do it anymore." Jeff's voice was hoarse and he wiped at his face impatiently. There shouldn't be any more tears, damn it. They had to stop sometime, right? "I can't save people when I couldn't save the one person that mattered."

"Here." The doc had moved from his spot behind the huge desk, a fresh tissue in his hand.

Jeff took it and wiped at his eyes, oddly touched by the gesture. He cleared his throat. "So what happens now? This is where you tell me the guys upstairs want me discharged?"

"Sit down, Commander. Have some water."

"That's not answering the question." Jeff grumbled, but he sat back down, taking the bottle of water off of the side table. He fiddled with the cap, twisting it between his hands.

The doc settled back behind his desk, as if he couldn't stand to be on the other side of it. "My job is to help you Commander…Jeff. It's not to see you discharged, unless I think that is what's best for you."

Jeff didn't say what he thought about that. Best to keep on the guy's good side. "And, that is?"

The therapist picked up a tablet from the desk and handed it to Jeff. "I don't think going back to the Damascus is the best course of action. Honestly, I think you need to get far away from any mention of the Confed."

"Good luck with that, Doc." Jeff took the tablet, his eyes skimming the words on the screen.

"But I also think taking you off duty would be a bad idea."

The enforced leave after Katie's death had nearly killed him too. Jeff could do nothing but dwell on her absence, how their home together had been destroyed. There had been too much time to think, and it made going back to the Damascus that much harder.

Jeff looked up from the tablet, having gleaned the contents quickly. "This project…it seems pretty intense." They were looking for colonies, founded over three hundred years ago when space exploration was new, dependant on the Isaac wormhole. Of course, after it collapsed everything changed. Nobody knew what had happened to the people trapped on the other side.

But now they could find out.

"It is." The doc tapped his stylus again, but Jeff found it much less annoying this time. "They're looking for someone to head it. Work with military and civilian teams on the other side of the galaxy. There's no telling what's out there."

Jeff shifted in his seat. He moved to put the tablet down on the desk, but somehow couldn't let it go. "Oh."

"As far from the Confed as you can possibly get in this universe."

"Doesn't mean it's not dangerous." Jeff stroked his chin. Dangerous enough to keep his attention, to keep him from thinking about and missing Katie.

"Are you interested?"

He smiled, and for the first time in months it felt natural on his lips. "I just might be, doc."

"Good. You report to Captain Devine in the morning."

end


End file.
